I am thinking I should change my name to Noritake. The reason is, I now have the most exquisite, expensive ceramic inlays in my mouth.
Each costs S$1,000 and the reason they cost as much as a plate of ohtoro sashimi (this bluefin tuna belly meat can cost as much as S$200 per slice), my dentist tells me, is because they will last forever.
Given that forever is a long, long time and I always believe one should always know what one is putting in one’s mouth, I asked him, how long is forever?
“Until you don’t need them anymore,” he said.
Tongue in cheek – it’s the only way one can conduct a conversation from a dentist’s chair – I replied, “Uhuh.”
I find it very exasperating to be with my dentist. I sense there is a man underneath the white coat but the minute I sit down in his chair, I get tongue-tied and then he just fills my mouth with silly things that it’s impossible for me to look dignified and carry on an intelligent conversation.
For example, the other day, I had to go back to see him unscheduled because I broke the temporary crown even though he had told me it was “very robust”.
“What did you do?” he said. And before I could regale him with my tale of toothing glory, he was already poking around in my mouth.
Then he looked up to watch the television in the ceiling. “Poor Federer, he’s really losing it,” he said. This is a man who knows the mouth like the back of his hand. I hope.
“Uhuh,” I said.
I then seized an opportunity – the nurse had just removed a tube from my mouth. “Yes, he’s such a nice guy, you know I met him …” gurgle, gurgle …
“You did?” he said, looking down. “Do you think he’s really a nice guy or is he just told to be nice?”
Poke. Poke. “Nadal’s pretty nice too,” he continued.
I think dentists are used to making one-way conversations.
Poke. Poke. “You know, I am going to Hokkaido in December. Can you give me any tips given you are the expert? Especially food. Can you tell me where to eat? I love food. Food is a big part of my holiday.”
“Would you like to come with me?”
Sorry, I imagined that last question.
My head swimming with images of snow, ski slopes, sushi and sashimi – the mere mention of travel does that to me – I momentarily forgot where I was and spoke. “Uhuh, grug grug, grug …”
“Hey, thanks. You will send me some tips via email? That would be great.”
I hate dentists, don’t you? They put ideas in your head, stick things in your mouth and even when you mutter unintelligible things, they understand you, and then they leave you walking out with half-empty pockets.
