In the old days, someone had to leave the table or room before you could talk about them behind their backs.

Picture this. Three women having lunch, one gets up to go to the restroom.

“Gee, she’s put on weight.”

“Yes, look at those love handles.”

“Shouldn’t be wearing a top like that with those handles.”

Friend returns. “What you talking about? You both look so happy.”

“Nothing.”

Today, you can talk about them right in front of them and while they are talking to you.

Picture this. Three women in boardroom, one is making a presentation, the other two are texting each other.

“Yawn.”

“Skirt too tight.”

“Yrs or hers?”

“☺”

It’s a new phenomenon I call “Black-biting”, people chatting to each other about the other while the other is present. And all you need is a straight face and quick fingers.

So which is more polite?

I don’t know about you but I think there’s something to be said for the pleasure of waiting to say or do something before actually doing it. The anticipation, the build-up to uttering something really wicked when the person is absent instead of just blurting out whatever it is you are thinking at the time.

But we live in an age of instant gratification. I feel, therefore I must tell the world. I think, therefore I must tell. Kiss-and-tell books, they are so passé. These days, it’s kiss-now, tell-now. Information at the speed of deed.

I’ve seen it happen at conferences. Delegates commentings on the speakers as they are speaking. I got a text this morning. Cried a friend, “At a brand conference. Speakers r totally boring. How can that be? It’s branding!”

This is good if it spurs speakers to up their game but bad if it leads to poorer listening skills on all our parts.

It’s happening at meetings. Employees exchanging comments about the boss as he speaks. Or checking their emails or updating their Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn.

A May poll by Yahoo HotJobs said that a third of the 5,300 workers frequently checked emails in meetings. Nearly 20% said they had been castigated for poor manners regarding wireless devices.

Some companies have taken to banning Blackberry use at meetings. An article in IHT cites two Hollywood names as having done so – Creative Artists Agency and United Talent Agency.

It’s happening at the dinner table. Notice the first thing people do these days when they sit down at a restaurant. Out comes their device. It’s the latest table accessory.

I had lunch this week and the table vibrated throughout because my host’s Blackberry and iPhone (he had two devices, as does everybody these days) kept beeping.

I felt like texting someone. “Having sashimi on vibrate.”

But good manners stopped me.