Times Online has a revealing story from Matt Rudd, who spent a stint as a five star hotel concierge at London’s Jumeirah Carlton Tower, where rooms cost up to £5,000 per night.

Rooms, he said, are furnished with big sofas, exotic orchids, half the world’s marble “and bathrobes so fluffy, you could survive a 10-storey fall in one”.

While down in the lobby, “fur-coated women soothe away the strains of a morning’s designer shopping with champagne and cake, while olive-skinned businessmen shake hands on billion-buck deals the way you or I would shake hands on who gets the last croissant”.

Matt is one of four concierges. Three of them are wearing a gold key brooch on their lapel, signifying membership of the Clefs d’Or, the elite society of the concierge world. One of them isn’t. His badge reads: Matt - Trainee.

“My training has consisted of a brief demonstration of how to read a map upside down and learning the magic, time-buying phrase: “Certainly, sir.”

When Matt studied the guest register, “every person staying here is a sheikh, an ambassador, the CEO of a yacht company or all three.

“All the while, shopping bags are being delivered to the desk by puffed-out delivery boys. First Prada, then a small one from Gucci, then D&G, and then Jimmy Choo.

“The order in which these bags arrive corresponds to the order in which the shops are laid out up Sloane Street. From this, we can deduce that the guest in room 3001 can’t be fagged to carry her own shopping, that she is heading north and that she is burning some serious cash. She’s only got Harvey Nichols to go and that’s a full set. This, apparently, is normal.”

When he broaches the subject of a concierge’s limits, he is told they won’t do anything illegal.

“Drugs are out, as are hookers, though of course they’ve been asked. Just in case you need to know, there’s a coded way to ask for a prostitute. You phone the concierge and say: “Can I have another pillow?”

Full story here.

Working up a head of steam on the Golden Chariot

The Telegraph’s John Harrison, meanwhile has been riding a new multi-million pound tourist train in India.

Apparently, passengers on the Golden Chariot have no excuse for sitting back and taking it easy. One of the train’s 19 carriages includes a gymnasium with an exercise bike for keeping fit while enjoying the passing scenery, as well as a treadmill, walker and twister.

It also has two massage rooms for traditional herbal treatments.

The Golden Chariot began its first tours last month and will make weekly seven-night round-trips from Bangalore to Goa through the scenic state of Karnataka.

The interior of the air-conditioned carriages has been designed to reflect the palaces of the Mysore maharajahs, Harrison reports.

The 90 passengers travel in double or twin en-suite panelled cabins with carved ceilings, handwoven bedspreads, silk sheets, minibar, wi-fi, DVD and satellite plasma television.

“It’s like a five-star hotel except that there’s no swimming pool,” said Harjinder Singh of Transindus, an agent for the train.

Full story here.

Their cup runneth over…

Also, in the Telegraph, African tribesmen arriving to run in the London Marathon instantly became addicted to the British "cuppa".

Chief Isaya, 24, said: "I sometimes run for two or three days when I am with my cattle, and I have to protect them from dangerous animals - like lions.

"I do not think the marathon will be difficult for us - our shoes are made of car tyres and they are very comfortable."

The six Maasai warriors, who have never before left their tiny Tanzanian village of Eluai, have settled in with mugs of sugar-packed tea.

Their guest home in Cooling, Kent, is run by mother-of-three Clare Martin, 34, who said: "The amount of sugar they have is astonishing - they're on 10 spoonfuls a cup.

“I don't think they've had that much sugar in their diets before so they're just making the most of all the new tastes. And I'm having to stock up on Coco-Pops as well."

The six tribesmen - Isaya, Ngovu, Lengami, Ninna, Taico and Kesika - came up with the idea of running the marathon themselves after conservation charity Greenforce asked how they could raise money to get a clean water well installed in their village.

Full story here.

Chastity starts at home

While not strictly a Bali tourism story, Bali Update reports bizarre news from the popular resort area surrounding Malang in East Java.

The municipal government in the resort area of Batu is preparing to "clamp down" on suspected prostitution practices taking place at many of the area's panti pijat or traditional massage parlours.

Iman Suryono, a municipal police official in Batu, is dedicated to eliminating the "plus-plus" and "happy ending" element from the local spa business, says Bali Update.

To achieve this, local authorities are considering making chastity belts part of the required uniform for masseuses in the cool hill-side resort best known for its local inns and delicious apple crop.

Officials in Batu are said to be busily reviewing research done by an Indonesian technician from West Java who developed a "loyalty corset" designed to prevent spousal infidelity.

Officials in Batu admit that the idea of mandatory chastity belts is still only at the discussion stage, awaiting local policy-makers as they ponder issues of enforcement, penalties for non-compliance and whether they will opt for an ultra-modern Kelvar model or the more cumbersome traditional plate-metal version.

And finally, says Bali Update, before the suggestion of morally-sound undergarments dreamed up by Batu's officials is too quickly dismissed as absurd, please note press reports that Jakarta officials are praising the Batu proposal, insisting they, too, wish to explore the viability of introducing similar measures in massage parlours in Indonesia's capital city of Jakarta.

Read the full story here.